Diarrhea Adverts

Whenever an advert for diarrhea comes on the goggle box I find myself cringing from all the bullshit, as I watch some gorgeous babe on her way to work or some shit suddenly stops and gentle pats her tummy! Aww...and then the voiceover says 'she had a choice of suffering with diarrhea or taking whatever drug they are promoting'. What a fucking pile of unrealistic twaddle! What the voiceover really wanted to say was 'this bitch has just shat herself and now the trickle of shit is running down her leg. If only the dumb-arse bitch had taken blah blah...'

I mean come on advertisers do you think no one knows what it is really like to have the squits? I can tell you most of us rarely get off the bog let alone make it out the fucking door. And why the fuck would we want to anyway - we have the squits for fucksakes! We are not going anywhere outside of a 10m radius from the bog. I can only guess that the bitch in the ads either loves the sensation of hot shit dripping through her knickers and down her leg, or she is a fucking nutter who decided to chance it despite spending all morning coating her bog in the brown, stinky spray.

The adverts are therefore only really aimed at fucking idiots or weird sickos. Either way its a million miles away from the reality of the squits and what I propose is the following far more realistic ad: a man on the bog, pants around ankles, sweating profusely with a look of fear in his eyes. Every so often we hear gurgling and splatter as flecks of loose shit peppers the toilet bowl - a sound anyone who has had the squits will be familiar with. He screams out as if he will shortly die if nothing is done, he legs spasm with each load deposited. Eventually a woman enters the bog room and hands him some tablet and a glass of water. He takes it and then we cut to 3 hours later, and find him relaxing in his garden. The voiceover then says 'when you have the squits take this stuff to stop your shits!' Spot on! Boo yaaah