Beep beep arghhhhhhhh! Whether you think mobile phones are a curse or a blessing, there is one thing that no one can deny – you look like a total wanker whilst using one. Especially hands-free fucking Bluetooth! I mean we’ve all seen the suit walking down the high street blabbering to himself like some raving loony but before you can shout ‘oi squidgy head’ you realise he has a large plastic slug propped on his ear and he is in fact speaking to that. What’s the point though? The stuck-up arsehole has both hands free so why the fuck cannot he just use his mobile phone like everyone else? I’ll tell you why! It’s because he’s a fucking loser who thinks that being seen to use blue-tooth will somehow compensate for his small penis and John Major personality. Well I have news for you buster - everyone thinks you are 5ft cock who’s screaming about non-existent shares to thin air!
Blue-tooth, however, as stupid as it may be, is not the thing I find most annoying about mobiles. Personally nothing grates on me as much as the high-pitched beep – or whatever immature notification sound you have chosen – of a text message. Please can someone tell me what the point of text messages are? As far as I can tell they have only two uses and that is first to harass people you think are your friends and second to say something you are too weak to say in person. I know that lovers may text each other soppy text notes but this can hardly be described as a use. Anyway whichever king-size dickhead invented the text message needs lynching for they are ultimately to blame for the countless beeps that have interrupted you with the most banal and pointless message when you're taking a dump, banging your missues or otherwise engaged in the activities of life. And once you have been interrupted you have no choice but to respond, and it takes you roughly 10 minutes just to say 'Nuthin much. How about u?'
And all this I haven’t even mentioned the chavs who have what sounds like two dogs shagging – or something equally fucking stupid - as their ringtone, the terrible video games that have to be played using the smallest keypad ever, and the fact they are slowly frying your fucking brain with microwave radiation! Mobile phones have to rate as the biggest pile of shit we cannot seem to live without – despite managing fine before the little fuckers were on the scene – and the only electronic device, aside from that dirty fucking rabbit, that women seem to think their life depends upon. Jesus-fucking-Christ it’s just a phone – you’re not going to die without it! There is, however, nothing quite as funny as watching a woman paint her knickers brown because she’s left her baby phone at home. A great joke to play on women like this is to pretend you have actually got her phone and then laugh in her face when you hand her a fist full of fucking nothing! Boo yaaah!
Blue-tooth, however, as stupid as it may be, is not the thing I find most annoying about mobiles. Personally nothing grates on me as much as the high-pitched beep – or whatever immature notification sound you have chosen – of a text message. Please can someone tell me what the point of text messages are? As far as I can tell they have only two uses and that is first to harass people you think are your friends and second to say something you are too weak to say in person. I know that lovers may text each other soppy text notes but this can hardly be described as a use. Anyway whichever king-size dickhead invented the text message needs lynching for they are ultimately to blame for the countless beeps that have interrupted you with the most banal and pointless message when you're taking a dump, banging your missues or otherwise engaged in the activities of life. And once you have been interrupted you have no choice but to respond, and it takes you roughly 10 minutes just to say 'Nuthin much. How about u?'
And all this I haven’t even mentioned the chavs who have what sounds like two dogs shagging – or something equally fucking stupid - as their ringtone, the terrible video games that have to be played using the smallest keypad ever, and the fact they are slowly frying your fucking brain with microwave radiation! Mobile phones have to rate as the biggest pile of shit we cannot seem to live without – despite managing fine before the little fuckers were on the scene – and the only electronic device, aside from that dirty fucking rabbit, that women seem to think their life depends upon. Jesus-fucking-Christ it’s just a phone – you’re not going to die without it! There is, however, nothing quite as funny as watching a woman paint her knickers brown because she’s left her baby phone at home. A great joke to play on women like this is to pretend you have actually got her phone and then laugh in her face when you hand her a fist full of fucking nothing! Boo yaaah!
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