Geeks

Geeks make me sick and not because they are so fucking clever! No geeks make me sick because they smell of semen, wear brown cords and 'colourful' ties, drink their own piss, have enough spots to draw the Mona Lisa on their faces with and think they are cool despite having no idea what their dick is actually for. Well let me enlighten you piss-breath - a dick is an organ that's used for pounding hot bitches. It is not a joystick for your spectrum emulator!

More importantly though what the fuck is a 'Games Workshop'? Peering into their window you may mistake these 'shops' for a special place where the mentally retarded are allowed to paint little figurines. But inside these geek haven's pointless fucking battles are fought between these rivita-munching, binary-speaking losers and for the winner, the glory of being the biggest dickhead in the village awaits. Personally I believe the only place for an 8-sided die is up the arse of the fat one that even the geeks hate and want to eat!

Being a geek is worse than having no legs for at least Mr. Stumps doesn't have to make his friends out of paper mache. And no, having loads of 'virtual' friends does not count - this is basically another way of saying I want to live in the world of Tron. I mean if you are going to have virtual friends, why not have virtual fucks or virtual food...hold on you can't do that or you will die you mother-fucking sad, Spock-fucking, Dilbert look-a-like loser.

Despite hating geeks - and who can blame me - I have the following words of wisdom for them:

- Don't ever venture outside as fresh air can kill you
- Brown cords will never come back into fashion unless you want a career as a math's teacher
- Star Wars is not real!
- Wanking will not make you go blind but if you go at it like you do, your dick will drop off
- Second Life is as boring as your real lives so don't be proud of playing that fucked-up shit. I mean who wants to play a game that involves getting a fucking job. What's next? A game where you attend your own fucking funeral!
- MMORPGs are not big and they are not clever. In fact they are about as much fun as covering your balls in honey and then running naked into a bear sanctuary.
- Star Trek and all related spin-offs are without question the worse tv shows ever made. The acting is like a cow taking a shit on a dog turd and if I see one more man in a red top I will kill himself myself to save fucking time!
- Being able to build your own computer is not cool. In fact you might as well tell a girl you eat your own shit and wear nappies...she will be just as impressed!

To conclude I would like to close with the following: one day you might have no choice but to get a real life and live in the real world where people do real jobs and fuck real women, so to help prepare you for this shock I will finish by saying abandon all hope now you fucking loser! You will fucking perish in the real world! Boo yaaah!